How To Talk So Kids Will Listen Summary

Let’s face it, if you try to read every parenting book – your child will be in their teens if not early adulthood by the time you put even a little bit of parenting advice in place. children of professionals these days. The impossible seems even more futile for parents of young children because most of your literacy opportunities are wrapped up in reading aloud to them. So when it comes to parenting advice like learning how to best talk so kids will listen, quality is always more helpful than quantity. years and has been called the “parenting bible” by The Boston Globe (and millions of other agents). What’s unique about this advice is the testimonials from parents who claim that – before understanding authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish’s insights into communicating with children – they will simply “beat” them. We’ve rounded up these insights for you – in less than 1,000 words – so you can get back to actual parenting. Here are the most actionable lessons of How to Talk. Read: how to talk for children to hear summaries

1. Accept and acknowledge your child’s feelings

How children feel affects their behaviorEmotions drive behavior, even if the behavior is confusing to you because you don’t understand why a carrot that’s just “wrong” on a child’s plate should be the cause of total chaos (just an example). Identifying the emotion behind the behavior in question is the first step in addressing any problems that behavior creates.Denying a child’s feelings can aggravate the problemYou want your child to trust their feelings, so don’t give them a reason to doubt themselves. Why the carrot terrifies them is far more important than how weird they feel in the first place. Punishment is a top-down system that demoralizes when what you really want is enlightenment and guidance. Read more: how to edit vob files on a computerWhat can you do with this

Imagine complaining to a friend about something at work and they respond by a) blaming you; b) question your response; c) give unsolicited advice; d) offer false pity; e) psychoanalyze you – you may be upset. So yes. Don’t do this to your child.
Show them you’re adjusting to how they’re feeling with non-judgmental verbal cues: “I see that shoelaces are giving you a hard time.”
Name their feelings: “That stubborn shoelace is annoying, isn’t it?
See the situation they’re in from their perspective, not yours, and they won’t see you as part of the problem they’re dealing with.

2. Instead of punishment, encourage cooperation

Bad behavior is a problem, not a character mistakeIf your reaction to your child’s misbehavior makes them feel bad about themselves, then you’ve focused on a situation that could improve and put it into something much more complicated – Or you want to dig deeper into their psychology. Are they trying to pull the tail off the dog?Punishments create more problems than they solve on their own Potential consequences like waiting times and continuation may modify behavior in the short term, but they don’t teach your child much because you don’t get any support from your child. It’s a demoralizing top-down system when what you really want is enlightenment and guidance. Read more: how to edit vob files on a computerWhat can you do with this

Give information about the problem rather than the accusations. Instead of saying, “You’re ruining the floor,” try “Water on the floor can seep through and damage the ceiling below.”
Use description instead of declaration. Instead of saying, “You’d better not throw water on the floor,” try “I see a lot of water on the floor.”
Make it about you. Since you’ve already told your kids about their feelings (are you?), talk about yourself while you’re at it. Make sure they understand how their behavior makes you feel and how it affects you.
Brainstorm solutions with them. Write down all suggestions, even the absurd ones. Then, get rid of the ones that definitely won’t work (“No, we can’t make your sister live in the basement”) until you can come up with a compromise.

3. Encourage self-control and confidence

Read more: Fallout 4 how to get more settlers | Top Q&ADon’t write Dependence will eventually breed feelings of helplessness, resentment, and frustration – but you don’t have to say it because you know some of these people as adults.Surely you can praise too muchChildren need affirmation to build healthy self-esteem but don’t overdo it or they may feel like the world owes them everything they want. There’s a spectrum that starts at “confident” and ends at “authoritative” – aim for the former. Read more: how to edit vob files on PCWhat can you do with this

Give your child the power to choose. You don’t have to give them free rein; just some of the options you approve of, like when they choose clothes or start a to-do list.
Respect children’s efforts and encourage them to try. Doing it for them removes their right to self-determination in the world, which is even more annoying, like a stubborn shoelace that won’t tie.
Complex questions are an opportunity to uncover something, so don’t dust them off with overly simplified answers. Ask them why they ask and what they think.
Don’t bullshit them when you don’t know something; Encourage them to ask friends or family, who may have better answers.
Praise generously, but wisely. Be specific and descriptive when drawing it out; instead of “You’re a great artist!” try “I like the way zig-zags follow square lines – what do you think about that?”
Appreciate their work and efforts, not their characteristics. This shows them evidence of their own talents and lets them draw their own conclusions about what they can do with those talents. Otherwise you are locking them up by telling them who they are and what they are.

Is there more to this book? Sure! But don’t you feel like you’ve read it? Now, do yourself a favor and read something interesting for a change. Read more: how to get free content in clash royale

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