How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty Pdf

Video How to Say No Without Guilt pdf If you are like many of my clients and students, you struggle with saying no to people. This seriously hinders you from achieving your own goals. Worse yet, it ends up harming your relationships with yourself and others. Learn to say no and the small mindset changes you need to make to do so.This is a long post. You can skip the article and download the skill below. Read: how to say no without feeling guilty pdf

Why is it so hard to say no to people?

Contents

This post contains several affiliate links for your convenience. Click here to read my full disclosure policy. When I find it hard to say no to people, it’s usually because:

  • I am afraid to say no to opportunities for fear of missing out.
  • I’m afraid of hurting someone’s feelings.
  • I’m afraid other people will think I’m selfish.
  • I fear that saying no will reflect badly on me.

If you look closely at that list, you’ll see that one common theme is fear. This fear comes directly from my thoughts rather than from reality. Think about it for a minute. How many times have you had someone say no to you? Do you hold a grudge, think badly of the person, and then never ask them again? (Of course that depends on how the person responds. You might think you have to take every opportunity that comes your way to stay ahead, but that’s not true. You’ve heard of the multitasking myth. When you take on too many things, you do all of them horribly, so saying yes can really backfire! Both feel like a great way to help you belong, gain acceptance from others.

Learning to say no will help you avoid problems

Recently, a few people have retired and/or left their positions at my job. Since I was the one in charge, I had to take on all their duties as well as my own. It’s an unmanageable workload. One of the things I like most about my job is being able to help people. I usually call and support people throughout the day because it brings me joy. First, I try to take on all the things I’m used to doing. will get them back. My to-do list is several pages long and I wasn’t able to go back to everyone. I said ‘yes’ to everything while also knowing that there was no way I could get to everything which made everything unattainable. I do have a commitment to get back to people, however… Trying to be considerate of their needs as well as get the work I need done means nothing gets done well. Balloons flew around my head and I didn’t even know what those balls were let alone how to catch them! Read more: how to clean vinyl with windex | Top Q&A I’m sure a lot of balls hit the ground that I didn’t even know they had. being helpful” or “so that I don’t let someone down” backfired. Saying no will help both of us because she can ask someone else to help instead of counting on me and I will get things done so I can be of more help to her in the future. The experience you took in was more than you could handle because you had trouble saying no? What about when you know you should say no but it’s too hard to do at the moment, so you give an answer that isn’t like “maybe.” Or maybe you just choose not to answer, ignore it them and hope they will go away.At this moment, the person is hanging out and waiting for you but they are not sure if they can count on you.You can back out at the last minute or you can cancel. They don’t have a clue.Do you ever know you should say no but you’ve been hitting around the bush and it’s too late so you go do it and you’re not satisfied the whole time! like a lot of unnecessary drama.did you just say no in the first place?

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Say means Say No to you

When you say yes to one thing, you are saying no to another. You only have a limited amount of time and mind to focus on. When you agree to a party, you’re missing out work towards your goal or spend time with family. If you always say yes to everyone, you are saying no to you. You are saying no to the goals you are trying to accomplish. What happens when you repeatedly put other people’s requirements above your own? You feel resentful and frustrated about yourself, making the relationship problematic. Not standing up for yourself makes you less confident in yourself. People know what to expect from you and often genuinely respect your ability to set boundaries. You’re not alone. So many people have difficulty with this. Let’s start with the flaws in your thinking about saying no.

How to say no without feeling rude or mean

First of all, there are some important mindset change you need to do:

  • Know that saying no to someone is not rude. It doesn’t make you a bad or selfish person. You’re taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries, which can be hard to do. It’s admirable and people tend to appreciate someone who is assertive about their needs.
  • You don’t have to give anyone a lengthy explanation or basic story of why you’re turning down. They probably really don’t care much about that. They just want to know if you will help them or go with them.
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So how do you say no to someone? Whether the person is a friend, family member, or person at work, you can be assertive and say no in the following ways:

  • The easiest way is to just say “no”. All that is really needed is a small word. Of course, this is simple, but not easy at all. Your brain will want to explain and explain and explain.
  • So can you briefly explain why you said no. It’s important to stick to the facts here, and adding a bit of opinion to it such as ‘this is important to me’ or ‘I really don’t like going to parties’ can help. No one can argue with your opinion.
  • No need to apologize. You have the power to set healthy boundaries and stay focused on your goals.
  • You can come up with an alternative to smoothing out zeros if you wish to do so. An example of this would be if a person asked if you would help them move. You could say something like, “No, I couldn’t do that that day, but I can give you the name of the engine we used.” You’re still contributing, just in a different way.
  • One thing to always keep in mind is the power of psychological methods to get you to say yes. You will run into this stuff with sales. For example, if someone offers you something first, it will be very difficult for you to refuse. This classic book shows the tactics people use to get others to say yes to things. This is an important book to read if you’re interested in persuasion, but it’s also important to defend against these psychological triggers.
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How to Say No Simple

My favorite structure for saying no comes from the work of Marsha Linehan, and she teaches the acronym DEAR MAN (a little weird but I bear): Description: Describe the situation first. Example: I know you’re moving next Tuesday and need some help carrying heavy stuff. Example: I’m really not free on Tuesday because I have a pre-commit. Example: So I can’t help. Example: I appreciate that you think of me and understand that I cannot help. Don’t give in to distractions (or your emotions). Stick with the plan. Repeat yourself if necessary. Standing up straight, making eye contact, speaking in a steady voice… all of these can help. If you look down and look insecure, it seems pretty easy to change your mind! Negotiate: Be willing to negotiate if you feel it’s necessary. If there is something else you can offer, this is where you would do it. Example: I can’t be of any help; however, I know the name of a great moving company!

Time to practice

You can see how important it is to learn to set good boundaries with people so you can choose to say no to things that stand in the way of your ability to achieve your goals. If you miss things, you find that saying yes can cause more problems! Learning the important skill of saying no is something you should start practicing now. I love Linehan’s technique because it’s a step-by-step recipe that helps you remember what’s important. I’ve made a printable PDF for you so you can download the DEARMAN skill to practice later. Enter your name and email and I’ll send it to you. What did you do and how did it turn out? Read more: How to climb in the animal gang

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