How To Dress Like A White Girl
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Reading: how to dress like a white girl Image via Caitlin Coving You installed photos of beautiful fall leaves using the Nashville filter to really render the trees in the backyard Yours looks so artificial. Such is natural beauty these days. After months of tank tops and shorts, you’re welcoming the transition to fall outfits with three-quarter-wide arms in felt. To ease the transition to the goodness of skin-covering fashion, I researched Pinterest to give you SparkNotes editions of how to dress appropriately for the coming winter. Without a doubt, white girls of America. Or, if you don’t need a dressing instructor because you’re an adult, here’s an accurate prediction of how you’ll dress this morning.1. Start with brown boots of any brand except Ugg (duh). Completely stay away from the fuggs (double duh).
Read more: How to make a phone charm Boots are a fall essential, because they’re comfortable and make you look like you’re out in nature and riding with your gear. Sure, there are 10,000 brands to choose from, but honestly no one can tell the difference between them. On the left, we have Target brown boots for $35, while on the right we have Frye brown boots (I just made a tongue-twirling white girl. new?) for $370. The only way someone can tell the difference between these two shoes is if you’re a fan of the brand. At the end of the day, wherever you decide to buy your brown boots, your sweetheart will still forget to realize that you’re even wearing shoes.2. Add black leggings.
Go out and buy every pair of leggings that don’t show your butt when you bend over. Get a charcoal gray pair. Get a neon pink pair. Get a pair of trendy tribal leggings that everyone has but has never worn because the triangles and lines stretch out and accentuate your saddlebag. Now, throw those weird ones into the black hole that’s your closet, and cycle through the three black pairs you bought for the rest of the cold months. Continue to end up spending hundreds of dollars on cheap leggings that continue to sag after one wash.3. Add those little knitted tights and boots from an episode of “Shark Tank”.
Read more: How to be good at beer pong4. Find a sweater that is loose enough to fit your body and the body of the Beluga whale.
You want it big enough that it falls right under your kids’ hips, tricking everyone into thinking you’re not just hiding that precious layer of pumpkin spice. That said, this magical sweater lets you treat every day like it’s Halloween and snack. The slouchier, the better. May I recommend Goodwill’s men’s division? The less you show off your figure, the more comfortable you will feel and will inevitably gain weight.5. Toss the scarf for more coverage, because your XXXXL sweater isn’t enough.
At this point, you want to be able to surprise everyone in your youth that you were actually pregnant all this time. The scarf has another layer of belly-hiding magic, allowing your body to hibernate like a damn bear. I really like this look because I can hide not one, but TWO Chipotle burritos in knitted cotton as I sneak into the cinema alone to get away from the inclement weather and the outdoors. gorgeous..Read more: How to adjust a kalimba
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