How To Be A Good Friend To A Guy

You ever see that girl who hangs with groups of guys? Who the guys want to hang out with and do fun things with? Who they respect and think highly of and call their friend?Maybe you wish you were that girl. Maybe you are that girl. Regardless, as a girl who has more guy friends than girl friends at college, thanks to her father schooling her in the right way to be friends with guys, here’s some pointers I’ve learned both from experience and from guys themselves. I ran them past my best guy friends on campus last night, all from very different background and personalities, and they not only agreed with me, but gave me some added tips.Reading: how to be a good friend to a guy

1. Be Approachable

One of my guy friends was talking to me the other night about certain groups of girls around campus. “They’re all really pretty and really nice, but it’s almost, like, beneath them to want to interact with guys,” he said. “Either they think any interaction will be interpreted as flirting, or on the flip side they think hanging out with us or asking us for help, like, ruins their image. They’re untouchable. They think they’re intimidating. When a guy walks up to talk to them or just say hi, they all go dead silent and just stare at him until he leaves.”Just because guys approach your girl squad does not necessarily mean they have romantic intentions, and they won’t necessarily assume you have romantic intentions for approaching them on a friendship level. It’s all in the way you carry yourself. If you look down your nose at guys in general, they won’t admire your superiority.

2. You Don’t Need To Be One Of The Boys

This is a common misconception. You don’t need to be one of the boys. In fact, you shouldn’t be. We are called to be women, not tomboys. That doesn’t mean we all need to like pink and dislike things that are normally associated with men. I love baseball, I admire high-quality cars and sound systems, and I’m not afraid of anything crawly. I like action films and lots of food. But I am not one of the boys. I am still very much a young woman. It’s mainly a matter of attitude. False masculinity as an identity is not admired by most good husband material guys. They find it obnoxious and annoying. You do not need to chop your hair off, wear men’s clothes, spit, roll in the mud, yell, avoid other girls, avoid femininity, and “muscle up” to gain male friends or male admiration. In fact, this and flaunting this for male attention will work against you. You’ll be seen as “trying too hard.” The cute tomboyishness you embodied as a middle schooler is now noisy, strange, attention-getting, and the opposite of what guys want. They aren’t looking to marry “one of the boys.” And the Bible calls us to be men and women as we were created. Considering today’s day and age, we especially need to be concerned to some degree about being masculine and feminine as we are called to be, both in attitude and dress and especially in how we carry ourselves. Trying to be masculine will not gain you bro status from good Christian young men. It will gain you annoyed looks and social toleration.

3. Be Yourself

This goes along with the last one. Be yourself. Don’t create a false image. Guys are very perceptive and know when you’re putting a fake you on, whether through an overdose of makeup, a pretend personality, or by trying to be a boy as aforementioned. Just be genuine. Be yourself. It’s a joke that when girls ask guys for opinions, guys say, “Whatever you want.” This isn’t always a cop-out, really. They really do want you to pick what you want. They want you to be yourself. So don’t stress out so much over self-image! Yes, you want to be respectable and godly, and you want to be somewhat feminine, but otherwise, don’t worry about whether they’ll think this or that. Be yourself. Be chill. If you try otherwise, they will know. And they’ll probably encourage you to be yourself.

4. Avoid Obnoxious Noises

Squealing, screaming, cackling, shrieking… just don’t. Even your fellow girlfriends will appreciate it. Unless they’re trying to scare you, guys appreciate a girl who keeps her voice at least below glass-shattering levels.

5. Make Decisions, And If You Can’t, Let Them Help You

One of my guy friends was mentioning to me his frustration with a mutual friend of ours.Read more: how to make a guinea pig cage ramp“She just can’t make decisions, and she wants me to help her, but then she doesn’t want me to help her. I try to help and show her all the options, even the less-wise ones, and she just dismisses them all.”Let’s be honest, ladies. We all do this. You’ve probably seen the Nail in the Head video. If not, you can watch it here.We often expect guys to know when we want help and when we really don’t want help. Fact is, sometimes they just can’t tell if we want advice or a hug or both. Society is trying to get guys to understand this, and when guys ask me what’s the number one piece of advice I can give them about talking with girls, it’s this. However, we ladies need to be fair. Men are wired to help by problem-solving. If your guy friend offers to help, let him sometimes, even if all you really want is for him to listen. You’ll be amazed how understanding this and avoiding double-standards can build up opposite-gender friendship.

6. Don’t Be Clique-ish

Guys tend to be more group-oriented. They have their one or two close friends and then their squad, but rarely is the squad limited to person A, person B, person C, and person D. No, it’s more like anyone who the rest of us are chill with can hang, and it’s not a big deal if someone wants to leave to go do something else. If you’re part of a friend group where most of the participants are guys, don’t expect a rigid clique or try to police it into staying that way.

7. Don’t Try To Be Cute In Annoying Ways

I don’t know any guys who think intentional clumsiness or messiness or noisiness or whining is cute. I’ve asked around and the general consensus is that while these are occasionally endearing, such habits, especially when exaggerated, are just annoying.

8. Don’t Talk About Girl-Only Topics

Please. Please don’t bring up undergarments and monthly cycles and girl-only topics around guys. Yes, these things are normal. Yes, these are not things you necessarily need to feel embarrassed about. But no, you do not need to talk about them around your guy friends or try to engage them on such topics. There are male equivalent topics that they don’t bring up (or shouldn’t) around you, because they don’t want you to feel awkward or for your mind to go places. Try to do the same for them. Too many times, especially here at college, have girls gotten too talkative around young men about their bodies, and I watch these guys squirm and try to change the subject to no avail.Just don’t. It’s not necessary.

9. Be Encouraging

Encourage your guy friends. Don’t just beat them down and throw shade all of the time. If they do something well, instead of saying, “Wow, you finally did something good for once,” praise them. Instead of calling them “moron” or “idiot” or “stupid,” encourage them when they work well. If you do it genuinely, they won’t see it as flirting, and it can really make their day.

10. Keep Your Conversations Succinct

Guys tune out after a while. They can’t really help it. It’s not because they don’t care, but if you don’t get to the point, their brain shuts off. Try to stick to the point and not go off on tangents when telling a story. Keep the details straight. Sum things up. They will appreciate it, and they will actually understand you and not tune out.

11. Don’t Be A Bully

Read more: how to convert cfm to fpmI wrote about this in my post about girls punching guys, but it goes beyond physical contact. Don’t walk over your guy friends. Don’t make fun of the things that make them men unless they themselves are joking about themselves. A woman’s tongue can really tear a man down, so watch what you say.

12. Do Play Wingwoman

Honestly, guys are as clueless about relationships as we are sometimes. This is mostly because we are actually the complicated ones, not them, and you’ll know you’re considered a good friend when a guy comes to you asking for help translating his interest’s actions or what kind of candy she likes or if her interest lies elsewhere. Give him a hand. A girl who can give good and godly insight on another and how to approach that other is a valued friend.

13. Tell Them If You’re Upset And Why

Guys hate the “I’m mad and you know why” game. If they ask if you’re upset, they won’t think any less of you for admitting you are. It’s not weakness. It’s called honesty. This one is related to #5. Guys get frustrated when girls beat around the bush about their negative emotions. If you have a reason for why you’re upset, don’t be afraid to tell them when they ask. If you don’t (which happens to the best of us), tell them that, too. “I don’t know why I’m upset, I’m sorry.” It’s so much easier and less dramatic for everyone if you are straightforward with your guy friends.

14. Do Compliment Them

I took a poll and most guys don’t take casual compliments from female friends as flirting. In fact, they appreciate it, and eventually you and your trustworthy guy friends can get to the point where you give opinions on each other’s hair and clothes honestly. Personally, I value my guy friends’, my brothers’ and my father’s opinions on my wardrobe choices more than my girlfriends’. As long as you don’t have a history of using trap questions (“Does this dress make me look fat?”), they’ll be happy to give their honest two cents, and they’ll be just as okay (unless you’re going all out fashion psycho) if you decide to do something else. In return, don’t be afraid to honestly tell them they look sharp, especially if they’ve put time into putting themselves together. Girls are often confusing to guys, and getting a girl’s opinion on themselves is just as appreciated by them as when a guy tells you he likes your new hairstyle or dress.

15. Exchange Music

Music really identifies us these days. If you share a favorite band with a guy, you have an automatic connection. Swap songs and recommendations, and be willing to try something new. My one friend Jake, after finding out I liked Owl City, got me hooked on Twenty-One Pilots, and we often randomly break out into singing the songs when we’re bored. We’ll just be sitting in a lounge somewhere, one of us will start a song (Tear in My Heart or Heavydirtysoul, usually), and not only will the other join in, but other people around us will as well, guys and girls. Music is fun and it’s an area of interest where we all connect. I’ve never met a guy who didn’t get excited when I told them I liked the song they recommended to me.

16. Laugh

Guys appreciate girls with a sense of humor. If you can keep up with them, throw some shade, and toss some comebacks, so long as they aren’t overly harsh and are well-timed, you gain massive bro points. Guys also have a habit of doing random things for the sake of it (like in my friend’s case, spinning themselves sick on the tire swing, photoshopping themselves crashing into lamp posts on their bikes, making massive sandwiches, stacking dishes into castles, sliding down bannisters, throwing food at people, launching ping pong balls out of third-story windows, jumping to slap ceilings, stealing my phone, trying to out-burp each other, buying massive stuffed animals for no reason, pulling swim caps over their heads in class until the prof notices), and if you can laugh with them over it instead of deriding them for it, you’re golden. As long as what they’re doing isn’t wrong, laugh instead of nag. It makes so much of a difference.

17. Appreciate Their Interests Without Feeling Forced To Be Interested Yourself

I have no interest in video games outside of Mario Kart, but I recognize most of my guy friends are into gaming to some degree. Most of them have no interest in writing fiction, but they think it’s cool that I do that, because it’s me. There’s a mutual respect of interests that happens in a friendship, with a willingness to dabble in the other’s areas if asked to try. However, I find girls sometimes think they need to take on a guy’s hobbies to get them to like them, whether a certain film genre, martial arts, a brand of shoes, an instrument, or collecting an item. This is entirely false, and guys actually may get annoyed in the same way they get annoyed by their little sisters copying them if you do this. If you are genuinely interested in something they like, that’s awesome. I have a friend who is into model railroading, something I always thought was awesome but never got into myself. He’ll tell me what I’d need and what I should go with if I ever decide to go into it myself. I have another friend who loves cinematography, so when we worked on a short film together, he got excited to show me different kinds of shots we could take. But it works in the reverse as well. Sometimes guys get interested in one of your hobbies. In this instance, I have a friend who likes photography, so I as a photographer shared massive amounts of tips with him until he eventually bypassed me in the field.But if you just genuinely have no interest in your guy friend’s hobby, that’s actually okay, so long as you appreciate what they do with it. And they’ll treat your own hobbies, as girly or odd as they are, the same way.

18. Pray For Them

Guys need prayer. They’re the next generation of men for God, and they need our support. Don’t be afraid to ask them to pray for you, to ask what they need prayer for, or to tell them you’ve been praying for them. They appreciate it a lot. It makes your friendship more than just something superficial. It helps it grow more in the way that true fellowship between fellow saints is supposed to.Well, there you go! I hope you find this post helpful and that your friendships, both with girls and guys, continue to grow and to glorify God.Read more: How long to cook 3 lb meatloaf

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