Why Does My Mom Hate Me

By: Mary Elizabeth DeanUpdated July 25, 2020Reading: why does my mom hate meMedically Reviewed By: Stephanie ChupeinIt has happened to everyone; you get into an argument with someone and they (or you) say something hurtful. Sometimes, people say things when they are mad even though they do not mean what they are saying. For example, have you ever gotten so angry at someone that you said, “I just want you to go away forever”? You probably did not really mean it, did you? Sometimes, these arguments are with your mom. At times, it can feel like your mom hates you. Especially if she says she does in the heat of the moment. If your mom says she hates you during an argument, she probably did not mean it and will most likely feel awful for saying it. But, don’t get wrapped up in wondering, “Does my mom hate me?” You should talk to her about it after you are both calmed down.This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform. Source: topqa.infoYou may have many other reasons for believing your mom hates you, and they may not be related to fighting. Maybe you believe she treats you differently from your siblings. Maybe you feel your mom shows signs of being a toxic mother. You could also blame her because you don’t spend enough time together, or you could think she is too critical of you. We will talk more about these issues later in the article.Being Treated DifferentlyIf you think your mom hates you because she treats you different than your siblings, then you should know that many people have this concern. It’s incredibly normal. Parents sometimes do not realize they’re treating their children differently, so it may be a good idea for you to speak to your mom about it. Although it can be difficult, as being treated differently for long periods of time can impact your mental health, talking to your mom about it is important.Let her know that you feel like she’s treating differently than you the way she treats your sibling(s). Bring up the fact that you are concerned about it because you feel your mom hates you. Most likely, she will be shocked. She will probably feel so bad that she will go out of her way to make you see how much she loves you. Hopefully, this will be the reaction she gives. Communication is very important when you have feelings like this. If you keep it to yourself, it will just lead to resentment, and your mom will never know how you feel. Without this important information, she’ll never be able to fix the problem. And then, you will continue to feel as though your mom hates you. Clearly, you need to avoid this from happening. So, speak up to your mom and let her know how you feel. Source: topqa.infoOther Reasons You May Feel Like Your Mom Hates YouYou might feel that your mom has hate towards you. We discussed that you might feel like your mom hates you if she says something hurtful or if she treats you differently than your siblings. Sometimes, however, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why you feel this way. Many times, this can happen due to other issues such as self-esteem or other mental health concerns.Self-Esteem IssuesWhen you have self-esteem issues, you may feel as though everyone is judging you. Or, you may feel that everyone hates you. In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth. When you have problems maintaining a healthy self-esteem, you can feel as though everyone hates you and that you aren’t worthy of love. However, these are internalized thoughts and feelings. People may never tell you that they hate you, but you overanalyze and assume they do. This is a problem that needs to be resolved. You don’t deserve to feel as though the world is against you. Also, you deserve to feel like your mother loves you.Her Actions Feel UnlovingMaybe you can’t think of anything specific that causes you to feel as though you have a toxic mother or that she hates you. Maybe your feelings come from years of words and actions that you now interpret to mean your mother doesn’t love you. Perhaps your mom went through her own mental health crisis when you were a child, and those words have stuck in your mind. Although it wasn’t right or fair to you, people can take out their emotions on their children. The emotional hurt that her actions or words caused can leave you wondering if she meant those things. Or, you may wonder if she still feels you are annoying, worthless, or anything else she told you.Maybe your mom still says less than kind things to you today. Try your best to remember that everyone expresses and receives love in different ways, so understanding how you need to be loved is important. Perhaps your mom is a tough love type of person. Maybe she thinks she is helping you out by critiquing your outfit, makeup, significant other, or your grades. She may think she’s showing you love, but these actions may not be what you need at the time. In fact, they can just be downright hurtful. When you know how you want to be loved, you can more effectively talk to your mom about how you are feeling and come up with solutions to improve things. If you know she is too hard on you, you can express that to her and ask her to be more sensitive. Remind her not everyone appreciates tough love, and you would prefer it if she put things more nicely.No Quality Time TogetherAlternatively, you may feel like your mom hates because you don’t spend enough quality time together. We all live in a very busy world, and everyone handles their time differently. Also, today, most households have both parents working full-time jobs, leaving very little time to spend with their kids in the midst of their busy schedules. So, your mom is probably trying to juggle a lot of things at once. You may feel bad when she chooses to do another activity instead of spending her free time with you. Not to mention, you may not have the chance to hang out with her very often at all. It is OK to feel bad about this and to want to spend more time with your mom, but that doesn’t mean that she hates you.Your mom likely does a lot of things for you without you even knowing. If she works all day, helps take care of the house, has to take care of your other siblings, and more, she is likely a busy woman. This is even more so the case if she is a single parent. It’s possible that she is so busy trying to take care of the family that she forgets to take a break and simply spend time with you. If you are an older sibling, she might forget to spend one-on-one time with you, outside of taking care of the younger kids. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. So, give her the benefit of the doubt and try to recognize that she is so busy because she loves you. Think about what she does all day like work, clean, cook, take you to practice, call you, etc. This is likely her best way to show you that she loves you with a busy schedule.She Doesn’t Know How You FeelHave you told your mom how you feel? You may need to help her realize how her actions make you feel. It is possible that she doesn’t recognize how you are feeling and thinks you have an attitude or are just sad in general. Find a calm time to talk with her where she is not in a rush or trying to take care of one of your siblings. Also, be prepared to be assertive when you two sit down. You will need to explain how you are feeling clearly so you can tell her how you are feeling. This can be difficult to do if your parents has raised you in an authoritative parenting style. But, your courage, honesty, and independence will likely be appreciated by your mom.When you two sit down, start by telling her how you feel when she doesn’t spend time with you. Tell her you feel left out, lonely, forgotten about, or however else you may be feeling. Then, let her know that you would like to spend more time together. You might even offer to help with some of the household responsibilities, so she’ll have more free time. Propose the idea that you two do chores together, rather than in separate rooms. Maybe you two can go for walks after dinner. She’s probably not aware of the impact she’s having on you, and it’s likely she would love to make time together a priority. Come up with ideas together and even make room in your schedules. When you do this, you two can develop your relationship and get an even closer bond.She is Overly Critical of YouAnother reason you may feel like your mom hates you is that she says or does things that are negative or critical toward you. It’s possible that her behavior is unacceptable, but it’s also possible that she’s trying to help you learn to be your best. As mentioned above, she may be a tough love type of person. Or, she may just be critical in general. But, there is a line that is crossed when people are overly critical of each other. When it gets to the point of intentionally tearing you down and making you feel insecure, that is a problem. No matter if your mom realizes she is hurtful or not, it is not alright to tear others down with criticalness. There is a difference between constructive criticism and downright being mean.Try to give your mom the benefit of the doubt that she may not realize that her words are hurtful. She may think she is trying to help you be your best self. This is a common misunderstanding between parents and children. They try to shape you to be the best adult possible, but it comes off as unnecessary critiquing. But, being overly critical is not acceptable and can permanently hurt your self-esteem. So, bring it to her attention and ask her to be more gentle with you. If she has any feedback about your behavior, ask her to give it kindly and sensitively, rather than harsh or abrasive.Read more: Why do toddlers have big bellies Source: topqa.infoYou Ignore the Way You FeelDo you ignore the way you feel? Many times, kids, especially teenagers, ignore the way they feel because they assume their feelings aren’t valid. Remember, you are feeling the way you are feeling for a reason. Instead of just ignoring the way you are feeling and hoping things improve, you need to let your mom know how you are feeling in an assertive way. You don’t want your mom to feel defensive, but you want her to understand what you need. Your feelings deserve to be heard, and you deserve to feel loved by your mom.If you feel as though you can’t talk to anyone about how you feel? Perhaps you don’t feel comfortable talking to your mom about how I feels like she hates you or that you feel she is a toxic mother. In this case, it is best to talk to a licensed therapist. This can be hard, but talking to a therapist can help you understand and process your feelings and learn how to communicate in an effective way. A therapist can even talk with you and your mom so you two can figure out the problems between you. This is likely going to be the most effective solution if you don’t feel comfortable talking about your feelings with your mom directly.My Mom Hates Me: Violence and AbuseIf your mom is abusive and actually says she hates you on a regular basis, you need to talk to someone about this. Talk to a teacher or school counselor and let them know exactly what is going on at home. It’s important for you to remember that this is not your fault – there’s something internal your mom is dealing with that requires outside help. A parent telling their kid that they hate them is a form of abuse. And, there is no reason for a parent to abuse their child, no matter what the cause. Your school will help find you someone to talk to (such as a social worker) to get this straightened out. Do not worry about getting your mom in trouble. No child should be abused, mentally, emotionally, or physically.If you are physically or mentally hurt by your mother, it’s essential that you tell someone. If you cannot tell someone at school, tell another adult like a friend’s parents or a police officer. People who love each other argue sometimes, and many times they say things they regret. But if you feel like you are in danger or if you are being hurt or left alone for long periods of time, you should contact a responsible adult immediately.Ways to Cope with a Seemingly Hateful MotherIf you think your mother hates you, the resulting emotional turmoil can be intense. There are a few things you can try to lessen this load. First, stop and breathe when you feel very upset. Deep breathing has been shown to lower anxiety and improve cognitive function. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, try taking some deep breaths. You might be surprised by how much it helps you! It may even help you verbalize how you are feeling to your mom when you two sit down to talk.Another thing you can try is taking a break. Sometimes, walking away from a situation is the best way to gain clarity. If your thoughts are shrouded by doubt, take a moment away to clear your head. Then, come back to the situation, and deal with it. Even though your mom is reassuring you that she does loves you, the doubt in your mind may make you feel otherwise.Finally, getting a different perspective can make a big difference. When we are too close to a problem, it can be hard to see potential solutions, but an outsider can often help. A licensed counselor or therapist is also a great tool to have in your pocket. The counselors at BetterHelp are accredited and have thousands of hours of experience helping people either cope with, or move past, abusive relationships. The platform is entirely online, making it both easy and convenient to get support. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues. Source: topqa.info One Design Use LicenseCounselor Reviews“Christina has been with me through some pretty dark times. She has helped me feel heard and acknowledged, and she has given me the tools to feel strong when in the past, I wouldn’t have had the strength. I am beyond grateful for her guidance in navigating some pretty rough emotions.” “Alisha has let me view situations in another perspective. Like the stressful times I’ve gone (still going) through with my family and my work. I’m really grateful for her time to listen to what’s on my mind and really making me comfortable to share so much with her. Thank you, Alisha!” ConclusionGetting the right help is essential in getting through the challenging times in life. If you believe your mother hates you, there are several avenues you can take to improve your situation. With the right tools, you can move on to a happier life with more fulfilling relationships. Take the first step today by meeting with a licensed counselor.Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)What do I do if my mom hates me?If you’ve talked to your mother about your feelings and still think she hates you, the best thing you can do is find a therapist. Through counseling, you can gain a new perspective on the situation and learn to understand your mom better. Then, you can explore your own feelings, deal with past traumas, and make practical decisions about what to do next.How do you deal with a toxic mother?Dealing with a toxic mother is extremely challenging. If you’re still in high school or younger, you rely on your mom to help you meet your basic needs. Yet, allowing yourself to be emotionally or verbally abused won’t help you. Stand up for yourself assertively without getting into a shouting matchwhen your mom does anything to harm you in any way. This will help you maintain your dignity as you deal with someone who is being unreasonable.Another thing you can do is to put some emotional distance between you and your mom when she behaves in toxic ways. For example, she might engage in passive-aggressive behavior, pretending that what you want is OK and then punishing you after she gives it to you. Stepping back from the relationship for a short time can help you regain your calmness and protect your self-esteem. Then, ask her if she’s willing to go with you to mother and daughter family therapy. Together, you may be able to work out your problems.What should I do if my family hates me?Emotions can change from moment to moment, and it’s tough to know exactly what someone else feels about you, anyway. The best you can do to find out whether they hate you is to have a discussion with them about it. You can also benefit from talking with a counselor. They can help you examine the way your family treats you objectively and sort out your feelings about it. They can also help you explore your options on how to deal with your situation. Your therapist may even ask you if you want to invite them to your sessions for family therapy. You may discover that your family doesn’t hate you at all, but just don’t know how to show they care.Why does my mom always yell at me?Your mom yells at you because of her own mental health problems. While you may do things that are inappropriate or thoughtless, a mentally healthy mother would find other ways to deal with you. She may be dealing with depression and having trouble coping. Or, she may have severe anxiety that causes her to lash out when she’s worried about your behavior. Whatever the problem is, it’s important to remember that she is responsible for her own behavior, including yelling at you all the time. You are only responsible for your own behavior.Read more: Why i left the church of christWhy do I cry when my mom yells at me?It’s natural to cry when someone verbally attacks you. You may be crying because you’re feeling the damage to your self-esteem. That is, her behavior might make you feel worthless. Or, you might feel hopeless, thinking that her yelling is a sign you will never be close with her again. Some people cry when they’re angry. So, there’s a possibility you are inwardly angry at this behavior. A therapist can help you identify the feelings behind the tears and learn to express them appropriately.How do you tell if your family hates you?You can’t know for sure if your family hates you. Many people hide their emotions so well nobody can break through to understand how they feel. Others have conflicting emotions, so that they feel they love you one moment and hate you the next.It’s more important to think about how they treat you. This you can experience for yourself and judge for yourself whether it’s appropriate. If you aren’t sure, find a therapist. They can help you assess the way they are treating you and decide whether you can tolerate it or not. Then, you can take steps to stay mentally healthy while dealing with their behavior.Can I call the police on my mom?You could call the police if your mother is abusing you. However, calling the police may bring unwanted results. A better idea is to find a family friend or relative who is willing to let you stay with them. Whether you’re being physically, verbally, or emotionally abused, call a national child abuse hotline. You can also go to a domestic abuse shelter that accepts survivors of topqa.info of these solutions give you more control than you would have if you called the police.What is narcissistic mother syndrome?Narcissistic mother syndrome refers to a parent-child relationship in which the mother has a narcissistic personality or behavior. Usually, a narcissistic mother wants to be excessively close to their child. They want to control your life, and if it’s your physical appearance they’re trying to control, you’re at higher risk for eating disorders. Narcissistic mothers often invade your privacy. They get between you and your friends because they want to be sure they are always number one with you. At the same time, they feel threatened as you begin to develop your independence. This can cause her to lash out at you in anger.There’s really not much you can do to stop your mom’s narcissistic behavior or cure her personality disorder. That is on her to deal with and learn to manage. But chances are, her narcissism will prevent her from considering that she is at fault. Whatever you do, take care of your emotional needs. Develop a reliable support system and find a therapist to help you cope with or change your situation.What are the signs of toxic parents?Signs that your parents are toxic include:

They look for any reason, no matter how minor to become angry, destructive, or verbally abusive.
They try to control your every move, often in highly inappropriate ways.
They show no empathy, both to you and to anyone else.
They’re highly critical of you, including your looks, your behavior, and even your emotions.
They blame others for their behavior.

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