I miss who i used to be

I am writing this the evening before Thanksgiving while my family is in the kitchen preparing a ready-to-eat meal for our family that will be gathering tomorrow. I remember there was once a path of happiness that would flood the house any time Thanksgiving and Christmas approached. It used to be my favorite period of 12 months. I remember that I used to like basically the evening before Thanksgiving because I could help my mom cook our family meal the next day and I could really feel this sense of happiness because of me. used to spend time with my family. I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t really felt it in these 12 months. All of this while my mother was in the kitchen preparing meals and performing her usual holiday rituals, I was locked in my room in the dead of night… crying. I don’t really feel completely satisfied. I don’t really feel like walking in my family. I don’t really feel like talking to anyone. I don’t really feel like anything but unhappy and empty. It’s like I’ve got a giant void in my heart that I just can’t seem to fill. I simply shuffled through the day, and every day for a few minutes before that, simply tried to fool myself into being completely satisfied. I have no reason to be unhappy in any case. I guess I’m just that. Read: I miss who I used to be Read more: Who is Keleigh Sperry? Wiki, Biography, Net Worth, Husband, Age, Height I hate this. I hate that I don’t really feel like my particular self. I hate that I actually feel unhappy more often than I actually feel completely satisfied. I hate that I really feel empty. I hate that I can’t pin what doesn’t work for me. I hate being able to be locked in my room late at night rather than being around the house. I’m really ashamed to admit it. I had to be beaten for locking myself away from my family, who loved me. However, I simply don’t want to round anyone off, it’s that earlier nighttime time that counts as one of my favorite holidays. Right now, I don’t see my mom and dad much due to the repetitive schedule and the fact that I can be quite lying on the mattress and cry or simply completely left alone. Meanwhile, I just scolded my father for making a fuss in the kitchen. What’s wrong with me? I really feel like the worst girl/specific person on this planet right now. I really feel like all I do now is cry. All I do is manage and try to be okay but I’m not. I fear that I will never be okay again, truth. I’m scared. I’m afraid I won’t mean the old-fashioned hope I had. Maybe I won’t. Maybe that’s okay. However, I miss her. Old-fashioned Hope was completely satisfied and funny and all the time laughing. Outdated Hope will no longer be happy for some unspecified amount of time in the future and get herself. Outdated hope will not simply lie down and give up however this hope is. This Hope is solving many problems that the Outdated Hope can terrify. However I can’t seem to discover the woman I’ve been. I assume she misplaced it somewhere along the way it was. I look forward to discovering her. I was so excited because I believed “Oh good! You’re back! Get me out of the mess I’m in here. However, then it was like she simply disappeared again quickly as she confirmed. I miss her, I really feel like I’m more durable than this. I was invincible. Nothing can harm me. I used to be effective. Now my coronary heart is in constant pain and I can’t make it go away. I tried to lighten a fireplace below me in a number of ways and informed myself that I had a lot of things I needed. I keep telling myself that I have the potential to be good in this life. I always tell myself not to simply give up because I have so much work to do and see. However, that’s what my heart says. My head says I’m weak now and I simply shouldn’t strive anymore. However I look forward to striving. I want to try to be okay one more time. I’m simply not sure what that sounds like anymore. I am very pleased with that. I am grateful often for all that I have been blessed with because I do not deserve anything. I actually feel very ungrateful even though I am crying and lamenting a void in my heart as a result. I think individuals suffer worse than I ever thought possible. Why can’t I simply stop wallowing? I’m not sure why. All I know is that I am not a specific person like me. I’m not sure how I really feel about either of those things. Read more: who is better than tom brady or peyton manning | Top Q&A